Forgiveness is one thing that everyone says we should be able to give freely, but it’s the hardest thing to do. It’s even harder when the person you need to forgive is yourself. It is sometimes easier to beat up on ourselves and flood your spirit with negative self-talk rather than extending grace to that part of ourselves that need it the most.
Trust the God in You
Last week I did something I haven’t done in a long time. I gave way too much of myself to someone I barely knew. It was nothing physical, but rather I was pouring out thoughts, feeling, ideas…my spirit. Now, don’t get me wrong, sharing isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but looking back it should have been something that I gave freely overtime instead of in an interrogation like conversation.
I was completely depleted and felt empty by the time this encounter was over. A good thing when it’s reciprocal but hollow when it’s one sided and your energy is being sucked out of you leaving you with nothing. And, when I got up to leave my head was spinning. Yeah, it was that bad (may have been some not so good things happening on a spiritual level on his part). It was like having my personal essence siphoned out of me.
I couldn’t believe I poured out so much of myself, but even more surprising, I couldn’t believe how much it bothered me. I mean it really bothered me. I beat myself up. I ate as I pondered why I did it. I ate as I beat myself up. Before putting another snack in my mouth, I sat back and took a breath. What are you doing? Are you seriously going to let this bother you this much? I shook it off and went to bed.
A New Day
When I woke up I it was still on my mind. It was then that I realized just how much the situation distressed me. It was also then that I knew I had to let it go. I looked in the mirror and had a conversation with myself…out loud. I forgave myself. I forgave myself for giving too much of me so quickly. I forgave myself for not feeling I could say “that’s none of your business”. I forgave myself for not listening to my spirit when those warning pings were going off and not trusting myself more. Even after all the work you’ve done to heal your spirit. I told myself what’s done is done. You’re now aware of what personal characteristics need to be strengthen and it’s OK. Let it go. I forgive you.
For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You. ~ Psalm 86:5
It was a freeing moment for me, as well as a lesson learned. Sometimes you need to forgive yourself of the trespasses you make against you. You need to be able to forgive yourself, release it, get up and keep moving forward.
Is there something you need to forgive yourself for in order to move forward? Is there a regret you are holding on to that you need to let go of? Remember, we are forgiven that we may forgive.
Prayer for forgiveness:
Lord I ask that you forgive me of all things I have done that was not pleasing to you. I ask that you forgive my negative thoughts, deeds, and language. I forgive myself for all those things I have done that were not in line with the life God has for me. I forgive myself of all the pain I hold and I release it.